xlessxisxmorex

i binged really badly yesterday i.e. more then 2500 calories omfg.
i tryed really hard to purge it up... but i haven't puked once for more then almost 5 years, mixed with the fact that i kind of have a fear of vomit, i couldn't get anything to come up. i tryed with my fingers and toothbrush, trying to hit in the right spot, but instead cramped my throat/neck somehow and was stuck with tons of food in me.  fuck.

then this afternoon i do it again. grilled cheese, mac and cheese and a mango (as you can see i am a farking cheese addict).  i tryed and tryed to puke it up but i would gag a little but nothing would come up, not even a little bit.  then i go to my boys house and his mom stuffs me full of calzone and a cookie.  i felt like dying the rest of the night.  then when i leave, my boyfriend's mom sends me home with an extra calzone and a freezer bag full of oatmeal chocolatechip cookies.  i get home and eat four cookies while wondering when i will explode.

anyways, my questions:

How can i purge easiest?  as in where can i jab, with what can i jab, that can get the forking food out of me?  i have so much trouble with this and i just want to be empty.

and also... If i take Laxitive at night and go to bed... will i wake up during the night and need to go or the morning?

thanks beautifuls